Janeane Garofalo, Ralph Macchio & more try out write field

Janeane Garofalo savored Melissa Gilbert’s sweetheart story about her ex Rob Lowe.

Mike Pont/Getty Images Janeane Garofalo savored Melissa Gilbert’s sweetie report about her ex Rob Lowe.

Even celebrities have a hard time believing what celebrities say. The Triad Theater’s “Celebrity Autobiography” show brought out well-known faces like Janeane Garofalo, Ralph Macchio, Michael Urie and Matthew Broderick to read excerpts from their favorite — and least favorite — celebrity memoirs on Monday. Garofalo brought down the household with a passage from Melissa Gilbert’s tome “Grassland Tale,” in which the “Small Household on the Grassland” star writes about her former boyfriend Rob Lowe having an affair with Nastassja Kinski. “You don’t f— with America’s sweetie!” a betrayed Gilbert told Lowe.

“The Karate Kid” star Macchio entertained the crowd by taking a page out of David Hasselhoff’s book, “Don’t Hassle the Hoff.” “No one knew that the sand was hotter than hell and the water was toxic,” Macchio quoted Hasselfhoff dramatically stating in his “Baywatch” tell-all. On the topic of hotness, Tate Donovan read from LL Cool J’s “I Make My Own Rules,” where the rapper discussion about getting, er, serviced backstage at Madison Square Backyard while opening for Run-DMC. “It was my first tour and I was thinking, ‘If this is the way it’s gonna’ be, I’m beyond doubt going to like being a rapper,’ ” he said.

Speaking of getting lucky, Urie read from Miley Cyrus’ “Miles to Go,” with the singer talking about getting her period at the mall and not having a tampon or space to exchange, then going into a bathroom where four tampons suddenly fell out of a vending machine. Ka-ching!

GARTH’S SHOW TAKES A BREAK

While promoting his latest album, “Man Against Machine,” Garth Brooks has decided to cancel his talk show appearances in the U.S. after the Ferguson choice in Missouri. “We landed in N.Y. last night to the news of the civil disorder that was going on in our state,” Brooks said in a statement. He thoughtfully didn’t want to “spend the day promoting (his) stuff like nothing was incorrect.” It “seemed distasteful to me,” he said. Brooks plans to reschedule his appearances.

Michael Rozman/Warner Bros Jennifer Aniston makes big fun of Kim Kardashian on ‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show.’

JEN BUSTS A MOVE

The rumors are right — Jennifer Aniston is having twin girls! During an appearance on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show,” the “Cake” star wore a massive inflatable bra to show off her version of the Kim Kardashian booty shot from Paper magazine. At least now the weekly tabloid headlines will be somewhat valid.

CELEBS’ GREAT TENNIS SHOTS

The toughest serves at Richard Branson’s Necker Cup tennis tournament came from a pot of tequila. “During play, every time anyone double-faulted, Branson would stop play and make that person take tequila shots,” says an insider on Branson’s private island, comparing the tourney to “VIP beer pong.” Participants included tennis greats Boris Becker and Kim Clijsters, actress Jaime Murray and hotelier Hank Freid.

247PapsTV/Splash News Rihanna’s living large as she heads into Roc State headquarters in New York for meetings about her upcoming album.

RIRI HITS BIG TIME

Hopefully Rihanna won’t do again this look at the first annual Diamond Ball, set for Dec. 11 at the Vineyard in Beverly Hills. Especially considering that Brad Pitt will be the one introducing her. “Brad Pitt is not only a phenomenal talent,” Rihanna said in a statement, “but I admire him and am inspired by his philanthropic work.” On Monday night, Rihanna took her wide-leg jeans to a meeting at Roc State in Midtown.

ENQUIRING MINDS SHOULD KNOW

The National Enquirer’s sure has selective memory. The tabloid crowed in this week’s issue that Bill Cosby was “slapped with a civil suit by a female victim” in 2005. What it didn’t mention was the Enquirer was sued by the same victim in the same suit. Andrea Constand went after the scandal sheet in the filing for printing Cosby quotes that attempted “to make the public believe that (she) was guilty of extortion.”

Peter Kramer/Getty Images Kate Pierson says a B-52s hit helped motivate John Lennon’s ‘Double Fantasy.’

B-52S HAD LENNON ‘FANTASY’

B-52s singer Kate Pierson says her campy rock foursome got John Lennon back in the recording studio to record his final album, 1980’s “Double Fantasy.” “John heard ‘Rock Lobster’ in a dance club in Bermuda during the summer of 1980, and said it sounded so much like Yoko’s composition that he was inspired to ‘get out the old ax and wake the wife up!’ ” Pierson told organizers for the Theatre Within’s 34th annual John Lennon Tribute charity concert, to be held Dec. 5 at Symphony Space.

TONY DURAN FOR OCEAN DRIVE Krysten Ritter’s got things covered for Ocean Drive’s December issue.

HOW KRYSTEN GOT HER SHOT

Even cover girls have sad tales. “When I became a model, it gave me some self-esteem and a place to belong,” Krysten Ritter says in the December issue of Ocean Drive magazine. “In anticipation of then, my home life was a little rocky and the kids at school would really pick on me.” That’s not the case anymore for the actress, who stars with Amy Adams in the upcoming “Huge Eyes.”

THEY SAID IT:

“I’m going to get this wife thing down!”

— newlywed Angelina Jolie to Tom Brokaw on “Today”

“I drunk-draft and double-check them in the morning.”

— Anna Kendrick talking to E! about texting

Splash News Padma Lakshmi and daughter Krishna are going on foot at the park.

PADMA HELPS REBOOT

Gorgeous Padma Lakshmi and her adorable daughter Krishna are sole mates. The duo got comfy, plopping down in the grass, taking their shoes off and enjoying a silent moment together. Pairing a purple dress with red Hunter boots, Krishna is clearly taking clarification from her fashionable mom, who favors gowns by Naeem Khan and Cushnie et Ochs for the red carpet, and the opposite of “mom jeans” on her days off

Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images David Burtka can call on Neil Patrick Harris’ savvy for his upcoming cabaret show.

BURTKA BRINGS ELITE BACKUP

David Burtka’s go-to director for his two-night cabaret show that debuted on Tuesday at 54 Below was his A-list husband, Neil Patrick Harris. “Neil always has my back and a good eye. We work well together,” said Burtka, whose musical selections ranged from Irving Berlin and Cole Porter to Avril Lavigne. “I’m good at distilling and asking questions,” Harris told the Day after day News. “My job here is mostly as an editor. This show is 100% David.”